It could be the worst feeling in October, ever. I am too lazy to heat the milk up, so here i am, with a cup of not so hot coffee, taste not so good, but i still need it. My feelings is messed up. It's been almost a week working on logo branding for a company. I have zero inspiration, my work never even close to done. I'm not sure what i need to get back to work. And i hate to turn my phone on, because i know deadline will terrorize me, today.
My eyes swollen. It's 9 in the morning and i feel sick. My stomach hurts, there's no wind at all the balcony, and i can feel my laptop's burn and it makes my pulse burns.
I need to end this. I need a stronger heart to make everything on track, again.
But i don't know how.
I sud've done my work by now, but still have no spirit and inspiration to start :D
So, about my last post, something i really need to write...
It's actually about this 'social media' things, nowadays.
I don't need anyone to tell me their perception about it.
For me, being in real life, and in social media, are suppose to be the same.
If you are my friend, the way i treat you in real life will be the same as the way i treat you in social media. But what i've seen is a massive bullshit, mostly. Just like i have wrote few years ago, i am still the same. I hate fake relationship, i like being honest and surrounded by honest people too. Because life is so wasted to be fake about.
You know, especially in instagram, a social media that i actually a little bit late when i decided to join. This social media shows us so many things about people we follow. I saw bunch of people i know, especially when they're famous in instagram, they only respond/like/love people that is also famous. Believe it or not, 'friends for benefits' is really happening in here, and for some people is normal, but for me is unbelievable. In instagram i like strangers better than people i knew, strangers act more like 'friends' than my real friends.
Since the first time i had this blog, i like the format where i can express anything, everything i want. Blog can be a great media for me to keep my photos, my work, my writings, and it feels so different than instagram.
People are so different, i sometime don't understand how to react to this thing i felt. I started to choose who i want to see on my social media, i don't care about loosing a famous friend on my list, at all. It's just something i couldn't explain into sentence, about this. People nowadays are business man and business woman, they care about their fame, their image in social media, every single thing for money, for something that aren't real anymore, for me.
People seems loosing their empathy, and faking their simpathy. This social media thing soon or later, will kill their genuine personality, because all they care is what other people react, with their 'tap'. Like, love, follow. Damn, this world is soon to end. Have you watch a series on Netflix called balck mirror? Please watch Episode 1 on Season 3. That is what i'm trying to explain. Must watch :)
I realized how important social media is. I fully understand that most people like to see fake beautiful things than a real life. People will like this girl with curly eyelashes when she wakes up in the morning, than a real waking up face should be, plus with messy hair and ripped lousy tees. So from there, it drives some people (not me) to be 'what most people like'. And here you go, fake is the new real.
Like being a happy, positive mind all time, stylish, trendy, is a must. But come on..., who cares about it when the social media haven't exist yet? Who cares? And, i even have a friend that can fake her trip to her dream countries, just for the sake of 'i don't know'. I also have a friend that seems so friendly to me, but never even have any connection to me on social media, i thought she never scroll down her timeline. But this technology give us more information even when we don't ask for it. That friendly friend i have, she only respond to her other famous friends 'only'. So thank God for this unfollow button. See..., life taste so fake right now, and i can't. If there's no connection between us, then bye bye. A relationship is bullshit if we don't take care of it. So..., i like my inner circle full of love and real.
One thing i like about social media like instagram is, i sometime get a new friend from where-ever. We can talk like we knew before, share about this and that, and that feels more comfortable than knowing a person before we become friend in social media, and after that..., no talk, no connection, i see their postings, they saw mine, but still..., no connection. What the hell is that for?
My life is as simple as, if i like i will kepp and take care of it, if i don't like i don't need to see it anymore. And sometime there is a thing called respect and manners, so when i don't understand the posting but it makes them happy, i will still give my time to respond, just like if we meet in real life.
End of this writings..., i finally understand how this thing works, social media tells us who we really are to others. Some i thought humble... they're not humble enough, some i thought friendly... they're not friendly enough, some i thought asshole... they're not as asshole as i thought before. There's nothing wrong with social media, it's a 'social media', a media to socialize, is just the users play fake with it, just like in real life. For me, the way i act/treat someone in social media, is exactly the same as in my daily life. People are ugly and so do i, but at least i don't wear a mask.
I am what i am.
Back in business last week, and my body gave up. I like these photos, taken by my husband, and some of Silver's photo are by me. I love the sun that day, it was few days ago around 5pm. My body was so weak, my eyes so heavy, i haven't sleep properly in 2days, working on my deadlines. But everything went well, clients are satisfied, and that can make me enjoy my days off. Well, i rarely got sick, headache sometimes, but this time i got flu, cough and it's really bothering me. I cough till my head dizzy, it's been 4days already, i've finished 2 bottle of this medicine syrup.
Anyways, Silver is a big boy now :) He know how to smile when i took a photo of him. He's an expert heart breaker too. He can kiss me again and again, on my cheek, my forehead, my lips, my nose, my eyes, my hand, and hug me tight :). Even at these photos, i super need to sleep after i got back from work, but he asked me to walk down the woods with his bike. And i hate to say no to him, so we went to the woods and had a little weird chat together. Ted, Saroo and John came along with us too :)
I actually want to write about something that bother my feelings, i need to write it down so i can get it off my mind. But, i think i need to get back healthy and have some sleep right now. Also got more interesting photos of me on duty doing my decor work, with Silver. See you on the next post :))
Photo by husband and me, around #silverswood