Writing again...

December 2017 was my last post, til today... i sit down outside the balcony, raining..., and just randomly open my blog. Today, i have nothing on my mind... My work are done, Silver's school stuff are also done, and the house is almost clean after few days non stop cleaning every single corner. I haven't write any about Silver school haven't i?  Last post was about Mother's Day, and after that i'm extremely busy doing the daily routines and Silver's activities at school.

This year almost end... I couldn't say this year is my year..., it's Silver's. My work wasn't goes as smooth as i expected. I work so hard and keep everything run well with Silver's activities at school. I learn a lot, learn about how life's change so much in a year. I learn to let go, i learn to be stronger than ever, i learn to keep everything balance. I sometime gave up, i wanted to write here, share lots of photos, but.. honestly, i most time couldn't find not just the right time, but the right mood to write a new post.

I fight my mind a lot, keep my head straight, bring my heart stable, and i realized... the busiest time of my life is when i become a mother. I do enjoy. I'm super happy become his mother. But i also need to separate my mind, even my body parts. All my creative mind feels numb, i just haven't found the right ingredients to keep everything run as great as i did before.

Til i tidy everything up, one by one..., i keep my energy alive... For Silver, for the place i live, for all my passion. Where else i can get my energy back from? Just from what i already have, and here i am today..., writing again, start everything from zero.

Silver just finished his mid term assessment last week. He will have his grand assembly performance this week before his long year end holiday. I still can believe it... He grow so fast, too fast... He talk to me like a grown up, no more baby..., and yes i am so proud to be his mother.

I want to write again, here... I hope i'll see you again soon :)
Here are Silver's photos on his 2nd day at school, July 2018.

Selamat Hari Ibuk.

Hari ini, tidak banyak berharap apapun dari suamiku. Selain dia pribadi yang cukup cuek untuk hal-hal detail, akupun sudah agak lelah untuk mengingatkannya bahwa aku suka kejutan dan semua hal 'intimate' lainnya. Kita bersama sudah hampir 13 tahun, gak ditiap hari ulang tahunku aku dapat hadiah. Apalagi untuk anniversary dan hari ibu, kayaknya nanti bisa patah hati kalo aku terlalu banyak berharap. Sampai-sampai, aku punya planning untuk merayakan ulang tahunku tahun depan ini untuk menginap di hotel bersama sahabatku dan anak-anaknya :). Karena aku sudah mulai bisa pasrah, kalau memang suamiku gak akan jadi seperti yang sering aku utarakan padanya. Kayaknya juga aku terlalu maksa dan egois, kalau terus-menerus menyindirnya hihihihihi..., jadi... aku sudah bertekat untuk 'biasa aja', jika memang dia juga biasa aja. Toh kita akan hidup bersama selamanya :)

Hari ini, ketika bangun dan Silver seperti biasa masih tertidur lelap, ada ucapan Selamat Hari Ibu di televisi yang menyala. Seketika itu juga suami menengok dan ucapkan selamat hari ibu, dan di sun. Cukup lah ya :)

Haripun berlalu seperti biasa... Di sosial media penuh dengan suami-suami sayang istri yang memposting foto istri mereka dan menulis betapa bangganya mereka akan istri mereka. Oh well..., biasanya nanti kalau suami udah liat banyak lewat sosial media, ada kemungkinan 50:50 untuk dia at least memposting fotoku juga hihihihihi..

Lalu sekitar jam makan siang, Silver minta makan bakmi, dan mereka pergi berdua untuk beli bakmi dan aku nitip segelas ice coffee latte dong. Waktu berlalu 1.5jam, aduh kok lama banget yaaaa, perut udah laparrrr, dan sengaja gak masak karena memang mau beli.

Terdengar suara mobil masuk garasi, yeayyyy makanan datanggggg..., aku segera turun tangga dan panggil "Silver... Silver...", kelihatan mereka menyembunyikan sesuatu dan berbisik. Silver lari ke arahku, "Ibuukkkk, Happy Mother's Day Ibuk...", sambil menyodorkan sebuah kotak cake. Ya ampunnn, gak nyangka banget deh :), senengnya gak bisa ditulis dengan kata-kata, soalnya ini 'rare moment' banget hahahahaahha...

Kata Abah, Silver udah latihan dijalan berkali-kali untuk bilang Happy Mother's Day, dia pelesetin jadi Happy Dead Day seperti judul film yang dia pernah lihat. Hahahahaha, lucunya ini dua makhluk sok-sok'an mau kasih hadiah buat Ibu. Pas dibuka ada chocolate cake dan red velvet cake, trus ada card nya juga :). Pasti Abah googling dulu nih heheheehhe...

Thank you my husband and my son, this made my day :D

I love you both!

P.S:

I do like surprises :), please do more hahahahaha :*

Love,

Ibuk

All photo by me, around the #silverswood

From 8 to 11am.

 

#silverswood

#mommasilverkitchen

#silvernyx

#silversharif

October.

It could be the worst feeling in October, ever. I am too lazy to heat the milk up, so here i am, with a cup of not so hot coffee, taste not so good, but i still need it. My feelings is messed up. It's been almost a week working on logo branding for a company. I have zero inspiration, my work never even close to done. I'm not sure what i need to get back to work. And i hate to turn my phone on, because i know deadline will terrorize me, today.

My eyes swollen. It's 9 in the morning and i feel sick. My stomach hurts, there's no wind at all the balcony, and i can feel my laptop's burn and it makes my pulse burns.

I need to end this. I need a stronger heart to make everything on track, again.
But i don't know how.

Friends for benefits?

I sud've done my work by now, but still have no spirit and inspiration to start :D

So, about my last post, something i really need to write...

It's actually about this 'social media' things, nowadays.

I don't need anyone to tell me their perception about it.

For me, being in real life, and in social media, are suppose to be the same.

If you are my friend, the way i treat you in real life will be the same as the way i treat you in social media. But what i've seen is a massive bullshit, mostly. Just like i have wrote few years ago, i am still the same. I hate fake relationship, i like being honest and surrounded by honest people too. Because life is so wasted to be fake about.

You know, especially in instagram, a social media that i actually a little bit late when i decided to join. This social media shows us so many things about people we follow. I saw bunch of people i know, especially when they're famous in instagram, they only respond/like/love people that is also famous. Believe it or not, 'friends for benefits' is really happening in here, and for some people is normal, but for me is unbelievable. In instagram i like strangers better than people i knew, strangers act more like 'friends' than my real friends.

Since the first time i had this blog, i like the format where i can express anything, everything i want. Blog can be a great media for me to keep my photos, my work, my writings, and it feels so different than instagram.

People are so different, i sometime don't understand how to react to this thing i felt. I started to choose who i want to see on my social media, i don't care about loosing a famous friend on my list, at all. It's just something i couldn't explain into sentence, about this. People nowadays are business man and business woman, they care about their fame, their image in social media, every single thing for money, for something that aren't real anymore, for me.

People seems loosing their empathy, and faking their simpathy. This social media thing soon or later, will kill their genuine personality, because all they care is what other people react, with their 'tap'. Like, love, follow. Damn, this world is soon to end. Have you watch a series on Netflix called balck mirror? Please watch Episode 1 on Season 3. That is what i'm trying to explain. Must watch :)

I realized how important social media is. I fully understand that most people like to see fake beautiful things than a real life. People will like this girl with curly eyelashes when she wakes up in the morning, than a real waking up face should be, plus with messy hair and ripped lousy tees. So from there, it drives some people (not me) to be 'what most people like'. And here you go, fake is the new real.

Like being a happy, positive mind all time, stylish, trendy, is a must. But come on..., who cares about it when the social media haven't exist yet? Who cares? And, i even have a friend that can fake her trip to her dream countries, just for the sake of 'i don't know'. I also have a friend that seems so friendly to me, but never even have any connection to me on social media, i thought she never scroll down her timeline. But this technology give us more information even when we don't ask for it. That friendly friend i have, she only respond to her other famous friends 'only'. So thank God for this unfollow button. See..., life taste so fake right now, and i can't. If there's no connection between us, then bye bye. A relationship is bullshit if we don't take care of it. So..., i like my inner circle full of love and real.

One thing i like about social media like instagram is, i sometime get a new friend from where-ever. We can talk like we knew before, share about this and that, and that feels more comfortable than knowing a person before we become friend in social media, and after that..., no talk, no connection, i see their postings, they saw mine, but still..., no connection. What the hell is that for?

My life is as simple as, if i like i will kepp and take care of it, if i don't like i don't need to see it anymore. And sometime there is a thing called respect and manners, so when i don't understand the posting but it makes them happy, i will still give my time to respond, just like if we meet in real life.

End of this writings..., i finally understand how this thing works, social media tells us who we really are to others. Some i thought humble... they're not humble enough, some i thought friendly... they're not friendly enough, some i thought asshole... they're not as asshole as i thought before. There's nothing wrong with social media, it's a 'social media', a media to socialize, is just the users play fake with it, just like in real life. For me, the way i act/treat someone in social media, is exactly the same as in my daily life. People are ugly and so do i, but at least i don't wear a mask.

I am what i am.

Cheers!

Afternoon after work, at home.

Back in business last week, and my body gave up. I like these photos, taken by my husband, and some of Silver's photo are by me. I love the sun that day, it was few days ago around 5pm. My body was so weak, my eyes so heavy, i haven't sleep properly in 2days, working on my deadlines. But everything went well, clients are satisfied, and that can make me enjoy my days off. Well, i rarely got sick, headache sometimes, but this time i got flu, cough and it's really bothering me. I cough till my head dizzy, it's been 4days already, i've finished 2 bottle of this medicine syrup.

Anyways, Silver is a big boy now :) He know how to smile when i took a photo of him. He's an expert heart breaker too. He can kiss me again and again, on my cheek, my forehead, my lips, my nose, my eyes, my hand, and hug me tight :). Even at these photos, i super need to sleep after i got back from work, but he asked me to walk down the woods with his bike. And i hate to say no to him, so we went to the woods and had a little weird chat together. Ted, Saroo and John came along with us too :)

I actually want to write about something that bother my feelings, i need to write it down so i can get it off my mind. But, i think i need to get back healthy and have some sleep right now. Also got more interesting photos of me on duty doing my decor work, with Silver. See you on the next post :))

Photo by husband and me, around #silverswood

World is for all of us.

 Feeling not so good today, the weather is too hot here. Last week, i had lots of activity, i didn't really eat that well and spent most of my time busy on my pre-production work. Thank God, everything are nicely done, clients are satisfied and i can take a rest at home :) I am writing this blogpost on the couch, Silver is down the carpets watching youtube. Believe it or not, he gave me a great massage with his baby oil, what a lovely son, i am a lucky mother :))

So, last week i went to an expo called Indo Pet expo, far far away from our home. My husband need to go there for his Tarantula community things. So when we get there, me and Silver were so excited strolling around the expo and i think Silver is quiet surprised to see so many different kind of animals.

Silver baby were grow around the animals, Bill always there beside him, also his father's tarantulas. When we moved to Gunung Putri, where we live now, he saw more animals like chickens, birds, fish, ducks, swans, lizards, dragon flies, butterflies and many more. Especially when we adopted Ted, Pru, John and when Saroo was born, Saroo is became Silver's first pet.

Every morning Silver need to feed his cockatoo bird. He took this sweet corn from the fridge and directly run to Thoa's cage, this cocakatoo bird named Thoa. Here at Gunung Putri is totally different with the apartment's society. We hear bird singing every single day, we saw many type of lizards, caterpillar and many more interesting creature. This is also one of the reason why i didn't want to rush my time to ask Silver to an early school like play group. I think, he got more things here at his house than at the play group. Silver's heart is soft, he love animals and treat them the same.

One day, he saw this papaya tree with lots of fruits, usually we took it for the dogs, because it's not sweet enough for me but the dogs loves it. This papaya on the tree were already eaten by the bats, at night. Silver asked me, why is the papaya already eaten, why the bats didn't ask first? Me and husband were smiling and tried to explain to him about it.

Many things happens here around our home. Silver know how to deal with his 5 dogs, Silver know how to prepare their meals, better than me. One day, when his father were out of town, i take over the job to feed the dogs, believe it or not, Silver taught me to prepare their meals, like how many cups for Ted and for Bill hehehehe... At home, Silver got so many experiences, from his father's daily routines, and from mine.

I truly believe, first thing a human being need to learn, is from his surrounding, from his mother and father. Building his character to have a good heart, is not an easy job. As parents, we can't pretend, we can't fake it, first, we need to be one. And that, we learn from the animals. How you treat your animals, is how you treat others :)
 

Photo by my baby brother Tata.

Living a life.

I heard something on tv about an actress talked about her college final assignment. I remember it was 11 years ago, my graduation. The day i had my final exam present, my God, it was such a terrifying day ever! And plus plus, it was my birth day. How can i forget, April 3rd, 2006.

But.., i think that was also the last day i felt so tiny in front people, my lecturers, and that will be the moment where i gain my 1st level to earn my hardwork to be out there at the real life. Battle of life :_D

One thing i'm quiet  positive about myself is, i never have this goosebumps moment, stress, panicking, crazy nervous, as myself on my final exam presentation. Since that moment, i relieved. I also 90% confident about doing anything for work, both... for personal work and money work. I mostly know what im doing ;). The other 10% left mostly caused by mood, deadline, schedule timeline and un-handleable clients, hehe, what else :D

So, one day, without telling Silver, i think he will take good things about me, and keep all those bad as myself, her mother :). I will show him that it is great to be a person with millions visions and never stop making them come true, no matter how slow the process is. Every single progress, build our heart, stronger and rich in our experiences.

School is important. Very.

But always, first place a person grow up and learn is always from the love and the pain of the family. So i won't, i will never let him know, every bad things i've done in my life, i just let him be with his own mind, own thoughts, own world about anything, and i will always be here watch him.

For now, let me take care of this little gentleman :)

 

Photo by Tata HW

#silverswood